I got this the other day and didn’t even read past the first paragraph. It came from sol. This is why I moved my story here. Here when you send something it gets read by everybody else who reads the story. At Sol you can “help” the story teller so that she has to deal with the feelings you create alone. Obviously he didn’t get the memo that says I am not an author and don’t want to be one. I am a story teller in the southern tradition of the old lady who goes to the library to spin her yarns. Anyway read his comments… for me I didn’t bother.
Just a note to tell you some things…. perhaps it
might be longer then normal, but then I tend to
fully explain what I say and why I say it.
First off, the story has held my attention this
long, so that should tell you that I do like the
On the other hand… some of the scenes are a
little troublesome for me. Being the son of a cop
and knowing how things work in their world, you
are close in most aspects, but overboard in
That though is minor to the problems with the
story, and this is NOT an attack on you, nor is it
really criticism. Rather it is my attempt to
legitimately help you. How? OK, while I find the
story good, and realize that it is sort of
drama/fantasy if I were to vote today I could not
rate it as great, even though I do think it is a
Now you are wondering why? The answer is quite
simple. I edit for a few authors, and I am good at
it. These are not words of vanity on my part, they
are statements made by those authors I edit for.
The simplest way to explain it is as I read my
mind for some strange reason halts as I come
across a mistake. Not so much in the punctuation,
since I am not great there personally, but with
words and context of their use. One example from
memory some chapters ago, you meant to say
difference, but you wrote deference. Now,
deference is a variation of defer. If we were to
come to a door at the same time and I allowed you
to enter first, it could be said I differed to
you. Difference is a variation of different
meaning not the same.
Another example of mistaken usage is when you
wrote presidents rather then presence…
Then we have this from the bar scene in the
country western bar… With Earl saying:
He was also blocking my camera angel of you at
Obviously an angel is God’s messenger…. where as
angle is the amount of degrees from a straight
line to another point.
I do not know what medium you write in, meaning
Notepad, Word, MS Word etc. Only MS Word has a
spelling and grammar checker built in. Even then
it is not a huge help. It will tell you that some
lines that are right for the story are wrong
grammatically and that some words are mis-spelled.
I have that problem with it as well. For some
unknown reason I have picked up using the British
spelling for many words. Colour instead of color,
armour instead of armor etc.
There is also one other problem using a spell
checker. Example: Quite, Quiet. Both spelled
properly, but meaning totally different things.
I repeat this is NOT criticism of you. You are a
very talented writer and that is something I am
not. Oh, I can think up a plot, write an outline
and tell the story. However when I am done, it is
like a technical manual. It is NOT a good story
someone wants to read and gets hooked on!!!!
I am simply trying to point out a very simple fact
to you. Something my grandfather told me once. I
must set the story up for it to make sense…. He
was very gifted working with wood. He could build
very fine furniture, turn out things with a lathe
that were works of art. However I on the other
hand cannot do that. Sure I can do rough carpentry
and the like, but that is what it is. It surely is
nothing that one would call beautiful. That said,
what he told me was that if I did my very best and
did it a bit slower then it would be better. That
part of my problem was that I tried to get it all
done in a day, when it did not matter if I took a
week to do it.
He was right to an extent. I have not nor ever
will be the wood worker he was, but the work I now
do is three times better then what I used to do.
Thus now I am trying to share his wisdom with you.
You are a gifted author, but just the plot and the
telling of the story is not enough. You need to
use the right words spelled correctly.
There are three types of authors on SOL. The great
authors even when the plot is not as good as yours
are still great because it is emmmm ok plot wise,
but the spelling is correct along with word usage.
Then there is the author that has a great plot,
but nearly every word is mis-spelled, and it make
it labourous to read. They post stories, yes, but
they do not gather any great following.
The third type author are the ones that start a
100 stories and never complete any of them. You
find them all the time with the Yellow highlighted
Incomplete and Inactive notation. Many times they
really are good authors with good to great
stories, but why read them… they never finish
You are close to the first type author and I would
say at present you are between the first and
second. With just a little effort you can fall
into the first group.
Just my observations and you can listen or not,
that is your right.
However I do sincerely hope you will take what I
have written with the intent that I have written
it. To point out the small flaws that make the
difference from your story being average instead
One last comment is something you stated regarding
the reader that had commented on the calico or
tricoloured cat. You responded that you do not go
back and make corrections to a story once
posted… Again, my opinion. This again is a
mistake compounding a mistake. Making a mistake is
not the end of the world, but to not correct it is
much worse. Let us say that you have gone out and
bought an item of clothing and you bought
something that was marked your normal size, but
you did not try it on… When you get home and do
put it on it is either like a tent on you, or it
is like something you outgrew 20 years ago. Do you
just keep it, or go back and exchange it for
something that does fit?
Well, the same should hold true for your story…
The mistake does not fit, so take it back and get
what does fit… In other words, make the
correction, then repost the chapter. It will not
make it better for those that have already read
it, but it will make a difference for those that
come along after and read the story.
Well, that is what I wanted to impart to you. Take
what I have said for what it is worth and use the
advice or ignore it. That is your right as I said
before, but if you take even a bit of it, you will
be a better author for it.
Just my take on things