Sheriff Porter 32
Dog got his picture on TV when Wendy decided, without my permission, to do a human interest piece on me. She planned to piece together some of the film from her first visit and some from following me around for a full day.
Of course she noticed the addition to my family instantly. Like everyone else she fell in love with my bag of bones. After my hello kiss she asked, “Who is this big guy?”
“That is Dog,” I said. To her curious look I said, “That’s the only name he needs.”
“Okay, so what color is he?” she asked.
“How can you be a serious journalist and not know what brindle looks like?” I asked.
“I don’t do the shelter stories. I’m a serious journalist. I cover crime and politics and stuff,” Wendy said with a smile. “What do you do with him when you want to go on a date?” she asked.
“Since I got him a month ago, I haven’t been on a date. Liam came down, but we just went to the pub and stayed in mostly,” I explained.
“I should be jealous, and I am,” Wendy said.
“Now you knew about Liam before you got into bed with me,” I explained.
“Alright I forgive you,” she said. I didn’t object even though it was silly and wrong.
“Come on I’ll put Dog in his playpen, but we can not be gone long. Two hours is tops,” I said.
“We can eat in two hours. Even in this wasteland,” Wendy said. “You know I have missed you, even if I don’t call.”
“I miss you too Wendy. You really do eat pussy better than anyone I ever met,” I said bursting into laughter.
“I could say the same about you,” she agreed. “How about that steak house out by the highway?”
“You know I hate that place. Well, maybe you didn’t know, since we have never been on a date. I will go to the steak house, but if you are going to pump me for information, I want to go somewhere I like,” I informed her.
“Okay, I’m going to pump you for information, so where do you want to go?” she asked.
“There is an Italian place there as well. The Pizza and Pasta Pit,” I suggested.
“Do they have NASCAR memorabilia there?” She asked.
“Of course,” I said. I knew she wanted to go somewhere with ambiance, but I didn’t. If I had to pay with information, then she would have to suffer.
“Alright, but you owe me big time,” she said.
“I don’t owe you shit,” I said “You didn’t come to screw me, you came to Screw me.”
“Do you want me to leave?” she asked
“You know better,” I said. “Let me feed Dog and we will go.”
“So you gonna let me stay with you and film your every move?” She asked.
“I don’t have room for you and a cameraman,” I said.
“Well I’m going to be both this time. I am a pretty good camera person,” she said.
“Well just make sure you use the wide angle lens. I don’t look nearly as skinny with the wide angle lens,” I said.
“Most women want to look skinny,” Wendy said.
“Only those who aren’t truly skinny want to look skinny,” I said.
“Don’t worry let’s go to this pasta place,” Wendy said in agreement.
“Fair enough I need to feed Dog and put him in his pen,” I said.
“I am allowed to stay with you aren’t I? I’m counting on it to do the ‘day in the life of a female Sheriff’. I have some footage of you working out in the gym. So if you don’t go there tomorrow it’s okay,” she said.
“Wendy, you can stay, but I’m not doing anything different than I do ordinarily,” I said.
“Good, I told you what I want,” she said. By the time we finished that discussion punctuated with a kiss Dog was ready to go out. I walked him up to the pen with the rope through his collar from the dogman. Dog didn’t mind the pen all that much in spite of not wanting to be left behind. Once I was out of site he found ways to amuse himself.
“Is Dog going to allow me to sleep with you,” Wendy asked.
“He sleeps with me I don’t know how he will feel about being displaced,” I replied.
“Well maybe we can have a three some,” Wendy said.
“Nice,” I said sarcastically.
“Bullshit you love it and you know it,” Wendy said.
I was working under the assumption that she wouldn’t want it spread around that she was gay. If that were the case, she would find some bullshit story to cover her ass.
We entered the Pizza and Pasta pit around 8 PM. She ordered some fancy pasta dish. I ordered the salad bar with a side of pizza dough bread sticks. It was actually a damn nice salad bar. Filled with fruit and real bacon bits. Of course it had the normal three kinds of lettuce as well as spinach. I had regular old shredded lettuce, which proves I have no class. Everyone knows that lettuce should be torn, not chopped and especially not shredded. We had a small carafe of some kind of red wine that Wendy ordered. I knew nothing about wine at all.
When the bill came, she insisted that I allow her to pay since she was on an expense account. I was almost sure that it was a mistake, but I gave in to her. So she put the bill on her Mastercard.
We had taken the station wagon with her TV station logo on it. The only reason really was that she was parked behind my truck. When we got home Dog was not a happy four legged camper. He had abandonment issues, I know it sounds silly. I feel sure that’s what he felt when I left him alone. It didn’t turn into a panic attack until the two hour mark passed. He could amuse himself that long.
After two hours he ran around in circles and generally acted like a two year old having a tantrum. It is the reason I considered the three hundred bucks for the 10 x 20 x 6 pen made from used chain link fence a steal. Without it my house would be a wreck. Well he might be stuck on the pee line for a couple of hours or more.
I was surprised Dog didn’t seem to blame Wendy for his being left alone. He never associated other people with that. He simply punished me. It wasn’t obvious, it was more subtle. He ignored me. He didn’t bring me toys to share with him. He just lay on my bed and chewed his bone. At least it wasn’t a foot or tail. Those stories filled the Internet. Google had huge sections on it.
Since Dog was already pissed at me, I had Wendy get in the bed first then I got in before Dog knew what was happening. Dog didn’t really whine. He mostly sat and stared at me. I couldn’t sleep so I pushed tight against Wendy. I made enough room for the huge dog to get onto the bed.
“The dog is worse than a kid for putting the damper on sex,” Wendy said.
“Well if you hadn’t insisted on going out to dinner, I would put him in the pen for a couple of hours,” I insisted.
“Sylvia there is something you can do with him I’m sure,” Wendy said.
“Well we might try letting him watch,” I suggested.
“Now that is kinky,” she said. “Has he been neutered?”
“Yes the full monty,” I suggested.
After a few seconds Dog moved from the bed to the chair. He did indeed watch as I made love to Wendy then she made love to me. Okay it really wasn’t love it was more war, but it was some of the best sex I ever had. When it was over Dog came to bed and lay between us. We both were in the mood to hug and pet him.
That all lasted until 1 AM. That was when the phone rang. It was in the charger so I had to get out of bed to answer it. “Hello,” I said.
“Got a call there is a Domestic. Woman said her husband had a gun,” the dispatcher said.
“You call the highway patrol for backup?” I asked.
“Absolutely that is protocol, but you said to call you as well on anything the highway patrol was rolling on,” the dispatcher said in her own defense.
“I know, give me the address,” I demanded.
It took me five minutes to get Dog to the pen. He knew it was serious. It wasn’t really. I was just letting Wendy see what could happen. We were still getting dressed when I pulled the truck into the drive and opened the gate. Fifteen minutes later we were pulling up at the doublewide mobile home. The deputy’s car was parked in the driveway. The Highway patrol car had still not arrived.
“You and your camera stay way the fuck behind me,” I said to Wendy. I could only hope she would listen. She could probably see herself accepting an Emmy. I hoped that wouldn’t cloud her judgment.
“Hey there,” I said as I walked up to the porch. The woman was standing there dressed in a robe over her nightgown. “So what’s the story?”
“My no good husband come home all drunk and smellin’ of his whore. We got to arguing and he told me to shut up. I told him to make me. He got his gun and pointed it at me. My daughter called you,” the woman in her night clothes said.
“So where is he now,” I asked.
“When he found out you were on the way, he got in his truck and drove away,” she informed us.
“You got a call out for him?” I asked the deputy.
“Yeah, but it ain’t likely that we will find him,” the deputy said.
“Well Ma’am it’s like this, you are going to have to come to the courthouse and swear out a warrant with the magistrate. Then we can arrest him on sight,” I said to the woman on the small add on porch.
“Will he go to jail,” she asked.
“My guess is, we will take him in for processing. He will probably have a bail hearing the same day. He might be out in time for dinner that night. So you need to look for a safe place to take your kid till all this is settled,” I suggested.
“I don’t want him in jail. My little girl just wanted to be sure I wasn’t hurt. He will lose his job, if he goes to jail,” she said.
“Well you know, if we had come here and he had the gun, we would have arrested him. Now if you won’t come down and swear out a complaint, there is nothing we can do,” I said.
“Well I don’t want to sign no complaint. He needs his job,” she said.
“Well you know best. I wish you luck. You know how dangerous this can be. I hope you can get him to see a counselor,” I said.
“So this was a false alarm?” Wendy asked me on camera.
“It was this time. A certain percentage of these calls are total fabrications. A certain percentage is like this. They just want to take care of the immediate threat. We will be back. This won’t end till it ends, if you know what I mean,” I said. “I will admit, the biggest danger you were in, was during the drive here. I’m a lousy high speed driver.”
“This truck is weighted all wrong.” I looked at her questioningly. “It’s way too light on the rear wheels.” I looked at her again questioningly. “It’s all about balance. I did a story on NASCAR pit crews,” she informed me.
Edited by Walt